I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
