remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
