Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
