I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
