She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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