Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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