i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dear god my vagina.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
