i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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