u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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