Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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