Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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