and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
