Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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