I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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