im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
