She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
two words...techno handjob
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
