Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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