I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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