I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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