Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
