I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
