Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
