drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
