Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
