We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
