Small penises have feelings too.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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