people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
