i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my shit smells like andre
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
