Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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