you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
