so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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