I'm so fucking centered right now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
