That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
