So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
