i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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