she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
