yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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