Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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