Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
