Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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