And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
