he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
