The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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