I've blown a few things in my day
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
