Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
