Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
