R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
