so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
