eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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