Already got asked if we're dating
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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