perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
