I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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