My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
