I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
