I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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