I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
