My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
