I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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