She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
