Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
