wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
