You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've blown a few things in my day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
