My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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