You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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