My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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