I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
