What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
