And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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