So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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