A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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